When In Doubt...

I have taken a few days off from sewing and designing, although I did have a day of ripping out pictures from swimwear catalogs that come to my home quarterly. Why do I need to do this? Well, this is how the entire idea really began. I will rewind (if that is even a word anymore) to when I first came upon my swimsuit idea. It was the beginning of spring, the flowers were starting to make their way out of a winter slumber and I was slowly completing the process of chemotherapy. I stumbled out of my room from a morning nap, thankfully the nanny had taken my then one year son to the park, and the house was quiet. I noticed on our dining room table a stack of mail. The first piece of mail was from JCrew. I decided to have a snack and flip through my favorite catalog. Although at the time I was not shopping very much because of how tired and unwell I felt most days due to the drugs. I was also not sure if I should invest in any clothes since at the time I was pretty skinny and not sure if I would need to bother in stocking up on items that may never be worn.
I opened up the book and of course was mesmerized by the new spring collection which contained silky shirts, fun patterns, and outlandish jeweled necklaces. I had to keep myself from drooling over all of the items and before I picked up my phone and purchased the entire spring collection (not really but I have to wonder if most females feel this way?) I came upon the swimsuit section. Oh no. I forgot about bathing suits. My drawers were filled with bikinis, very cute 40s style one pieces, and tankinis from after having my son to hide the baby fat. I was a beach girl. I supported the local stores mostly, drive down to the local shops and pick out bottoms that fit my bottom and tops that handled my well...top.  The fun of it was the bathing suits were not a set...one could mix and match with different designers etc. It was fun and I normally always found a perfect suit that fit. Except for now. I did not have the top anymore that I was so used to. The mastectomy job was still very real and no reconstruction was in sight because of radiation in the summer. Also, even after radiation I could not wear low cut tops. Another thing to mention, for women who have radiation the process of reconstruction is a lot more difficult than putting in implants. It is a process. One that many opt out of. The radiated skin has to heal which takes about six months and then if the women decides on surgery it is an option of removing muscle or tissue from the tummy or back to build up a breast. The operation can last up to 8 hours with a six night stay in the hospital, this is not even a promise that the surgery will work. It is another hurdle however in the meantime, I flipped through what JCrew had to offer me...nothing. The swimsuits needed to be cut a bit different in order for me to wear them and not feel exposed or scare everyone off the beach around me. So, I started looking at the suits that I wanted and figuring out ways I could make them mine. I cut out the ones that I really felt had potential and saved them.  I bring you back to today and I still do this for keeping up with trends. I do not copy anyone or try to recreate what was already made, instead these suits inspire me. In fashion, I have found that designers use an inspiration piece before they start a collection. It can be anything, a beautiful sunset to a piece of trash on the ground. The designers then follow up with trinkets and pictures that may coordinate with this inspiration. The inspiration and the items are then placed on a board and the designer can then figure out what the collection may entail while looking at fabrics and other items needed to create a line of clothing. This is not just for bathing suits too, this can be for people creating a men's line or women's wear. It is quite fascinating to read about the top upper crust designers and to hear what inspired them for their fall or spring collections. I have heard buildings are the most inspiring while creating a line of clothes. I have heard the seashores of different beach getaways or just a person can be an inspiration. For example, the late Alexander McQueen had a woman as his inspiration. If you wonder who she is watch Ladies of London on Bravo and she is on the show. It is, again, quite fascinating. The creation of a line is very fun and creative.
I have also been struggling with the fact that this project could very well fall on the category of hobby right now. My significant other made a point to say that until this makes some sort of financial impact consider it a hobby. He is not normally this negative, he is only being realistic. I felt pretty down about the fact that this project takes so much time and being a mother makes it even more so of a hobby at times. My main goal is to take care of my family and in the extra moments to sew, read up on DE (Design Entrepreneur) or sketch. My hope is that as my son grows this idea will grow too. Then by the time he is in school full time, not needing me to tend to his every need, I will have more time to contend with the life of a DE. I did not feel alone at all while watching a TV show last night. I do like to watch Real Housewives, as my husband calls it Screaming Women, and the new season has a lady who is a mom and she is creating a swimwear line. The episode last night was about how she felt pretty frustrated with starting her line and taking care of her family plus wanting another child. Her husband has the same mentality as mine too, family first. As I watched her send the family off to the park and encourage ice cream as a treat, she then dashed up to her office space which looks a lot like mine, I could understand her situation and felt more at peace. We as women are told to get a career and then also hold true to our regular duties of wife and mother. It can be quite a complex position. However, God granted us with the gift of multi tasking so it can be done! Just in small doses. So I dedicate this blog to the multi tasker!

My sewing buddy

As I sit here and type this blog...I am overwhelmed. The idea of starting a swimwear line and raising a three year old feels quite challenging. The summer months are upon me now and of course school is  pretty much complete for my little tot. He is at the right age now where he can play on his own or concentrate on a movie for bit so maybe that time can be to hone in on my sewing skills or read a book about the industry I so desire to become apart of (sort of).  I, of course, have a set schedule figured out for him which includes many activities like swimming, beach, parks, beach, library, beach, etc. I think you all may understand my point. A three year old human boy is much like a three year old thoroughbred race horse, crazy amounts of energy and not much attention span except go go go! I look forward to the days with him this summer and enjoying our time together so I feel my project will be pretty on the back burner for the next two months. I do have my class once a week and some evening time after my son is in bed and I feel that is enough. I keep in mind the opportunity to have a three year old in my home running around, laughing, chatting, screeching with delight is not going to be long lived. In fact, this weekend was a sore reminder of this as we removed his changing table and moved his bed to a different spot in the room. I remember my husband walked out of the room with the changing table piece and mattress and said "well this is being thrown out" I immediately objected. He of course did not understand why I wanted to keep a piece of furniture that will never be used again in our home. It made me sad to think that only four years ago I was ordering that changing table piece and the dresser it fit upon for my developing fetus. Nonetheless, my son was quite excited about one less baby article being in his room and now he had a dresser top where we are going to eventually get him a clock and lamp. He is now eyeing the wall that was above his crib which has lamb decals jumping over a fence. He asked if that could be replaced with fire trucks instead...sigh...here we go again. I refuse to take the decals down for now...because I remember putting them up on that hot august day. I felt like a watermelon was in my body weighing me down so I did not want to go anywhere. The UPS truck delivered the package with the peel and stick decals. I was very excited to have a project to keep me preoccupied for an hour. I remember spending the time putting up the decals and just mesmerized by the fact my son would be looking at those pictures someday. I jump back to today and he is now wanting them peeled off and replaced with red fire trucks. My point in all of this rambling is my son is growing up...so I sit and want to learn how to develop this great idea of a swimwear line however, I realize my son is growing up and I will NEVER get this time back again. In fact, all those months I fought and hobbled to bed with no hair was not because I wanted to live for a business idea. It was because I wanted to raise my only child. My grandfather would ask me, "Do you know what the most important time in a child's life is?" I would ask, "No please tell me." He would say, "The first five years." He encouraged me to stay home and to be with my son. I feel like this is a promise to him, since he has now passed, I can keep my promise to raise his only great grandchild to be an excellent human being. In the meantime the extra time I have once my son is asleep that will be devoted to swimwear.  So if you are wondering when my line will be out...in due time...but first I have another priority to keep in mind. Happy Summer! 

Color Color Everywhere

I love color. I normally love to wear black and add a hint of color to my wardrobe; however with a new outlook on life I have discovered COLOR. I have so many ideas for my suits and I would love to make a suit in every color imaginable but that would be quite sloppy and not as constructive. I have an inspiration for my sample pieces which now has carried over to my choosing fabric and some pieces that will go onto the suits. I have a bulletin board hanging in my room so that I may pin up a sample color and build them upon each other with the extra ornaments. This is how it all starts...it will take awhile before I see these colors in a line up of suits before my very eyes however I feel like this is where it all starts.
 I also have been working with elastic and figuring out how it can be sewed onto the four way stretch fabric. It takes some know how and practice not to mention pulling and fuming, but I have progressed with being able to sew elastic onto my fabric. My past night at sewing it took me a bit to practice and learn how to put it all together correctly. I apologized to my sewing instructor, her response, "No worries, you are learning more tonight than any other." I remind myself patience is a virtue and to take my time learning this process. I remember watching a movie about the famous chef Julia Child. The movie explains how she discovered a love for cooking. She was quite bored with her daily life in Paris (who would have thought) so she decided to connect a hobby to what she loved most that that was eating.  She decided to go to school and learn how to cook. Well, in school, which was primarily male students, she had a difficult time one day learning how to chop up an onion. It was an embarrassment for her since she felt that she needed to prove herself being the only female student in the classroom. That night she went home with a Costco size (there were no Costco's then but you all get the idea I hope) bag of onions and practiced chopping. The next time they were asked to chop up an onion she was quite good and finished before all the other students. She finished with a flair and announced, 'Ta DA' in front of everyone. I love this part. It gives me encouragement to practice practice practice.  I may not behave in the same manner when I get to class and put a suit together without much difficulty however, I will be quite excited. I am discovering making a swimsuit is more than just picking out a pretty piece of  fabric and sewing it together....it needs to fit the body well and hold. The process has many layers but for now I will enjoy gazing at all the beautiful color swatches and dream up a line that flows. What is my inspiration? Well I will not give out that quite yet but I can say it does involve a beach.

Getting Started

I am in the midst of branding an idea and I hope the blog will take account of what it is like to do such a crazy thing. What is the idea? Well, I don't want to say too much right now because of legal and design concerns; however I will say that it involves swimwear. The idea to make a bathing suit for myself after all the surgeries, weight loss/gain, pregnancy, medicines etc. is a pretty major goal. I hope to have a perfect suit for myself and hopefully other women someday. How does a history major/teacher create a swimsuit with no design experience? Well, I guess this is what the blog will be about. I have a passion that lays beyond this mini goal...to ultimately help those in need. If I am able to accomplish this first step and connect it to the final step of completing my idea the true goal will be revealed. It is unfortunate in this day and age that I cannot yell from the mountain tops EXACTLY what I would like to accomplish and how each step will be completed. So I hope to spell it out for everyone slowly, and as time (and legal analysis) continues then the big picture will be revealed. Until then I guess since I cannot explain too much let me tell everyone a bit about my story.... I am a Southern California native, born and raised in San Diego California. The city I call home is paradise. The temperature is always about 72 - 80 and the beach is my backyard. I have pictures of myself sunbathing and playing in the sand since I was three. My parents were beach lovers when I was young and then as time went on the beach scene started to change and we were not at the beach as often since it seemed to attract a rougher crowd. The high school years and early 20s found me back at the shore with friends. We sunbathed, tried our hand at surfing or swimming in the large waves, cruising around looking for fun, and ultimately to sit and watch the golden sunset at the end of a typical 'so cal' day.

As time went on I met  my future husband and we spent many days at the beach. During our relationship we traveled a bit and most of our vacations were beach resort type getaways. We found ourselves in Cabo, Cancun or in Maui. I lived in my bathing suits...all day. I would eventually at the end of a long pool day put on a nice dress for dinner out however bright and early the next morning the bathing suit was back on like a uniform. I remember friends of mine always insisting we try traveling to different places that did not involve a beach or pool.  At the time the idea of a trip with no pool or sandy shoreline did not make sense to me...the fun was at the beach. 

After a few years we got married and had a little boy, I found love all over again on the day he was born. I thought life was pretty much complete, although I did not feel quite like myself. I thought it was just from being a mom and the change in life. I was wrong. I found out a year after my son was born that I had Stage III breast cancer. I had to go through six months of treatment. I lost my hair. I lost weight. I was hoping I would not lose my life. At the end of my treatment and before radiation I asked my husband if we could plan a trip to Maui. I needed to feel normal again. He planned the most wonderful vacation for our family. We had a condo on the beach overlooking the deep blue waters off the shore. The condo was our tree house as we were on the top story and the rooms were magnificent.The palm trees surrounded the balconies and birds would fly about as we relaxed.  I did not feel like a cancer patient. However, as we trudged to the beach each day...I was very uncomfortable in my swimsuit. It was made for women who have had mastectomies. I could not wait to get back to the condo to slip on my pj's. This was a problem for me. I enjoyed the vacation and was so thankful to be alive. However, my mind started to wonder if I would ever enjoy sitting by the pool or hanging out at the beach again.  Well...this is where my research began (thank you history major background) and this is where is all begins...

I left some key elements out of my story however, I will someday share those with people as I continue on my journey of creating a perfect swimsuit...until next time!