The line has been created...this is where I have been for the past few months/years? What does it take to create a swimwear line? A lot of grit, determination, and thick skin. It is a costly business too...not cheap. I sit here today though with mixed feelings. Yes, there are events to attend, emails to send, customers to talk to however, in the back of my mind I want to be sure that my point is being made with this venture. This is not just a line for women who have endured breast cancer. It is not a line for the regular women either. It is a line meant to bring women together. It is about being inclusive. It is not to separate us from each other, as I had to face when I went to purchase my first piece for post op. I remember it was before my surgery and I was asked to get a camisole that would have pockets in it for drains. It was soft and had removable pads in the breast area so I could have padding in place of my missing breast. I did not like the smell of the fabric and thinking of it now makes my stomach turn because this is what I wore after my mastectomy surgery. The camisole only came in a pink nude color and was not attractive. I would not be able to wear a bra until my drains were removed and all was healed so this was it for about a month or so. I was thankful to be able to go to my favorite department store, Nordstroms for the fitting and purchase yet it was bittersweet. As I waited for the sales clerk to come out and help me I had to wait by the racks filled with lacy bras and undergarments. It hit me then that I was no longer that girl who was going to be able to walk into Nordstroms or any fine lingerie store and have a fun filled afternoon shopping with my girlfriends. I was different now and not included in the mass majority. This was a hard pill to swallow, more difficult than any tangible pain pill or chemo iv to puncture my skin. How can I be only 34, a new mom, a young wife, and preparing for a surgery that will scar me for the rest of my (short?) life. I remember trying to find a spot in the department that would not mange to cause tears to come to my eyes. I then turned and faced the bridal department and that was the icing on the cake. The delicate white night gowns, silky bottoms with sparkly jeweled letters saying bride. This took me over the top, I was just married a few years before and remember planning my wedding day, taking my vows in sickness and in health very seriously but imagining myself at 80 and caring for my sick husband. This moment in time I remember feeling as if I was a visitor from another planet looking in a window filled with life, happiness, and no worries. At this moment the sales clerk approached me with concerned eyes saying she could help me get fitted for the camisole. I sat numbly through the process, barely listening to her explain how the pockets work for the drains. I remember having to fill out the stack of paperwork for insurance and this was done in the back so there was privacy. I walked fast out of the store, not wanting to stop and look at any other item, my car was my safe place. I then thought my life was over as I sat in my car with tears in my eyes.
That is why I sit here today...because I do not want women to go through this process in the future. There are plenty of cases of women going through surgery of some kind, not just mastectomies, who need coverage or something more than a string bikini. I have met mothers who would like to still look sexy but don't want to flaunt everything because they have to worry about chasing their children around the resort or beach. Plus many of us have stretch marks from pregnancy or breast feeding. I hope that my line can bring some hope to those women. I would like to hold these women by the hand and walk them into Julie's Beachwear in Del Mar and say yes you are included here now. It is not a question of are we included, it is a statement that yes we have options and we are still apart of this society. No more backrooms or secret looks, this is something we need to support and be proud of. I hope that you all will support my line and what it stands for...get the word out and hopefully my line will stand among the other brands who are trying to make a difference in giving back and giving hope.