The month of pink is over...no more pink washing. The companies who are offering to give to breast cancer research are now concentrating their efforts on the holidays. The NFL players who wore pink on the field are now back in their regular uniforms, which I think is a really great way to bring about awareness. The women who are contending with breast cancer are now cast back into the shadows until next year...however some of them will not be there.
Yes, I am thankful for all the charities, including Susan G. Komen because if it were not for these charities I shudder to think what my fate would have been five years ago this month. However....in walks November. An extension of breast cancer awareness for me and my family. This is the month that I was diagnosed not only once but twice with breast cancer.
I was originally diagnosed in November 2011 with Stage III Interductal Carcinoma, highly aggressive. The 2 cm tumor in my breast had reached 9 out of 15 lymph nodes resulting in multiple months of treatment. I would have my breast removed the week of Thanksgiving and be in the worst pain I had ever felt.
A year later in November around the same time I would be re diagnosed with a regional recurrence in my neck. I felt pain and swelling in my neck and found a large lump in my neck while out to dinner one evening. The results would come back the same cancer as before yet changed to PR positive.
I would have to endure three to four months of treatment, including neck radiation which I needed an Ativan pill for each day so I would not have a panic attack. I had to wear a mask and be locked into the table so the beam would not miss the areas intended for treatment.
A PET Scan would find the cancer had vanished and we were joyous in this news. Of course I was not that naive I knew that the cancer was only sleeping.
It is November again and here I am with no hair on my head and lethargic. I am undergoing chemo again with a PET Scan scheduled for next week to see if the treatments are working. I was re diagnosed this time in August with another regional recurrence yet maybe a spot or two in my lungs, too small to tell what they are. I am tired. I am frustrated. I am thankful for the past four years of freedom from treatment. Yet what now? The pink month is over. Yet mine still continues. The awareness grows in my body, is injected into my arm each week. The awareness comes from the bruises on my arm from the needles, from my son asking me to wear a cap so he does not have to explain why his mommy has no hair to his friends. My awareness ticks on yet will my life end in a pink river of tears? Will I see my son at his high school graduation smiling and waving at me from the podium as I cry tears of joy and victory? Will I get to meet his future wife and visit their home during the holidays? My awareness campaign does not end for the holidays..it continues as I go to have a mammogram and wait for the phone to ring or receive a letter in the mail, the letter being the better of the two. The countless prayers I mummer under my breath to God pleading for more time. The pink ribbon is only a piece of fabric held onto our clothing by a metal pin that can be taken off and put away for a year. Yet I put a wig on my head, a prosthetic in my lace bra, and take my antidepressant so my mood does not create a monster. My awareness is hearing about women my age or younger dying from this disease. I hear news each day of a 30 something year old mother and wife who had died from the disease. The pictures of the women, bald or wearing a cap holding their young children with a twinkle in their eyes, now gone. Will the companies who are taking down their signs with the pink ribbon in the corner think of them? Will they think of their families as they start to replace these signs with red and green ribbons? A passing thought truly, an epidemic has taken hold of our young women. These young children who are witnessing the strength and foundation to their youth disappear will be effected more than these companies know.  We need more. We need people to keep their ribbons up all year long..have a product dedicated solely to the cause as a reminder each day that women are dying. This is not some movie where the heroine 'beats' cancer in a battle and walks off into the sunset, many times the cancer returns and the war is lost. My November is reminder of the years ticking on and I think of each battle I wage when this war will be over. My awareness continues through December as we decorate our tree and wrap presents. My pink ribbon is my scar on my right side, I can never take it off or set it aside. It is permanent. I ask for everyone to please help me and my fellow survivors who are battling this disease each day to put forth an effort and make a donation to METAvivor. It is an organization that gives the money received to research for metastatic breast cancer. We can live our lives in a chronic state. We just need more drugs and options. I ask for you to please not put aside your pink ribbons and please keep them on each day as I have to wear this scar on my body to remind yourselves of the fight women are going through each day.
Please be sure to subscribe to my blog so you can be aware of what is happening in my life and the life of others. Also please go to www.METAvivor.org to donate now or see what you can do to help women like myself. Please save the women....